


A Marriage Of Inconvenience

by Abraxas (Qlippoth)



Series: A500 [9]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Community: Avatar_500, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22397770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qlippoth/pseuds/Abraxas
Summary: What if Azula and The Cabbage Man joined forces in an over-the-top 'war' against the Avatar?
Series: A500 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/20622
Kudos: 5





	A Marriage Of Inconvenience

Originally Published September 2, 2010

* * *

A hood, red. A face, enshadowed. And a smile that screamed madness. The look said everything. 

Chilled by the monster the man felt allured by its danger. Her frame. Her voice. She was like a ruler fallen, bitter. 

The Princess took a cabbage as if it were a toy and bounced from hand to hand.

"And just what is your problem with the Avatar?"

His heart skipped. Sweat induced by heat dropped bit by bit. It was a struggle of emotion. How could it be reduced to language the rage that filled his body? But he grabbed the cabbage. And he looked into the eye of the Demon.

The man flung the cabbage at a banner of the Avatar. It hit smack at the goofy toothy smile. A green smear trailed as it fell. Then it caught an ember and flamed. By a weird mix of cause and effect the smile changed to a gasp of fear as the poster burst into flames.

" _Beautiful_!"

Even without introduction it was lust at first bite.

The man tugged off the hood. The woman revealed the monster as the Princess. They kissed. Their unholy union was sealed as it consumed.

She took a bite off a cabbage. He snarled at the sight of it.

"It seems we share a lot in common."

She lit the cabbage. He threw it against the door. They ran behind a shack across the street. Giddy, they watched the monk step out of the house. The Avatar looked about - then below - at the vegetable ablaze.

"Stomp my cabbage ... bitch!"

Her eyes bulged, aroused out of their sockets. Her lips curled, revealed teeth like a predator's. A wide, open smile devoured air like a fire raged beyond control. She was maddened by the Avatar's confusion and the man's passion. At last it was too much.

She grabbed the man.

"I _burn_ inside!"

The streets of Ba Sing Se were busy that afternoon when the man carted his wares to market.

"Hey, you, are those for sale?"

That voice - it shrivelled his produce.

"Yes."

"Cool!"

_What a devotion - how I travelled the world to be by you. Avatar! I vow to be avenged. I will not be free of this nightmare while those feet are free to crush my dream._

"These are a little too ripe."

_I fill with rage as you judge my produce - it is like you judge a man._

"Katara may know what to do with these poor old things."

"Excellent."

_Ever since I was a boy I knew I would be a man of cabbage. Walk. Walk. Fly away, my monk. Safe in your empire over this world. But know we plot your doom. And when your mighty powers fail it will be us - the humblest of things providence put upon earth - who pummel you._

She lit the produce. He kicked the cart toward the monk. It crashed then ejected the flaming green missiles at the crowd.

"My cabbages!" he shouted while melting into the crowd.


End file.
